A Heart Divided

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Anyone who knows me well, knows Christmas is my favorite time of year. The holiday decorations, the music, the sense of wonderment all make this a special time of year.img_0455

But Christmas also reminds me of how divided my heart is at this point. Physically, Florida is my home but my heart is in Ohio where most of my family is. And this year, especially, it’s difficult for me as I know the prospect of losing my mother looms on the horizon. While she’s still here physically, her mind is locked away behind the horrid disease of Alzheimer’s.

And then, there are my sons and granddaughters whom I miss terribly.

Thus, a divided heart, one can go into an emotional tailspin upon hearing “I’ll Be Home For Christmas,” or any other nostalgic song.

And for good measure, let’s pile on the loss over the last few years of Scudder, Tessa, Holly, Bubbles, and Apache, all faithful companions over the years.

Happy, sad, happy, sad. You understand the gamut of emotions I’m feeling. Almost like Clark Griswold when he realizes his perfect Christmas has descended into chaos and he asks where the punch is.

Yes, Christmas will always remain my favorite holiday, but I celebrate with a heavy, much-divided heart.

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